nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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