At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
