eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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