that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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