i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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