Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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