Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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