Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize