did you get engaged???
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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