im so drunk with asians
where?
always
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
