dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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