I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
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You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize