A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
