I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you made out with another girl for some wings
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
