Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
