if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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