The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
