Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
