I'm going to jail i love you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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