Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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