I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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