I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
