plz talk dirty to me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
