The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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