Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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