So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize