Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
