I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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