Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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