so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
