Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
