I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
