I'm going to jail i love you
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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