its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
