Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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