My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
