Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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