i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
