please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
