My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
