He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
