My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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