I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
