was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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