make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
