HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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