Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
