You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
