Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
