update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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