i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
