there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
