I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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