On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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