I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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