are you so shy because you have an std?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
