For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
