We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
