my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
