oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I deserve this hangover.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
