i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
