Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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