Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
40s are totally the cure
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
