Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think my vagina is haunted
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
