I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
