when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
